just forget me... its that simple.

our days are numbered...3,2,1..

Thu, 05 May 2005 23:42:44 GMT

well. xanga is being a bitch lately, so fuck it. ill use my nifty little LIVEJOURNAL!

ha. so yeah, im excited about poms. may 16th bitch, the day some guy asked me out...yeah. i dont even care anymore. i hope i make it. otherwise... ill sit around and, like sleep all day. geeze.

so yeah. my mom just told me i could go to the killers show if i save 25 bucks. okay. what the hell. its a show.

The Killers

June 8, 2005
Wednesday 6:30 PM

Merriweather Post Pavilion
Columbia, Maryland

haha. yay! i love shows. But, absolutely nothing will ever beat the finch show. 4..28..05 baby. yes. best day ever.

desolation.desire.exhale.pass away.

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 23:32:14 GMT

We drive tonight,

and you are by my side

we're talking about our lives

like we've known each other forever

the time flies by ,with the sound of your voice

its close to paradise...

with the end surely near

and if I could only stop the car and hold onto you,

and never let go... I'll never let go

as we round the corner to your house you turned to me and said,

"I'll be going through withdrawl of you for this one night we have spent"

and I want to speak these words but I guess I'll just bite my tongue

and except someday, somehow

as the words that we'll hang from

And I, I don't want to speak these words

cause I, I don't want to make things any worse

And I, I don't want to speak these words

cause I, I don't want to make things any worse

Why does tonight have to end ?

Why don't we hit restart,

and pause it at our favorite parts

we'll skip the goodbyes.

If I had it my way I'l turn the car around and run away just you and I...

fuck

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 20:30:48 GMT

my pictures didnt come out...

...damn.

</3

sweetest is the taste from your lips.

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 02:29:39 GMT

so i found a new love for HIM...

to start out.. join me .<33

Baby join me in death
Baby join me in death
Baby join me in death

We are so young
our lives have just begun
but already we're considering
escape from this world

and we've waited for so long
for this moment to come
was so anxious to be together
together in death

Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won't you die
Baby join me in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death

This world is a cruel place
and we're here only to lose
so before live tears us apart let
death bless me with you

Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won't you die
Baby join me in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death

this live ain't worth living
this live ain't worth living
this live ain't worth living
this live ain't worth living

Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won't you die
Baby join me in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death

Baby join me in death

and, razorblade kiss.

I taste death in every kiss we share
Every sundown seems to be the last we have
Your breath on my skin has the scent of our end
I'm drunk on your tears, Baby, can't you see it's hurting

Every time we touch we get closer to heaven
And at every sunrise our sins are forgiven
You on my skin this must be the end
The only way you can love me ist to hurt me again
And again
And again
And again

Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips
Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips

Oh the taste from your lips, my Darling
Taste from your lips, oh my Love

Only inside I'm free
I'm tired of waiting
You've got to let me dream
Inside Baby
I'm not afraid to feel
I want your to love me
Cause you are the one
Cause you are the one
Cause you are the one

Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips
Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips

Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips
Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips.

so love me gently with a chainsaw..

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 21:04:36 GMT

You are Woodstock!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 22:54:09 GMT

well i havent updated in a while. dont have alot to say i guess. im not complaining or anything, but you know. hmph. so..yeah.. blah.

friday i went to chelseas dads with her. i had a nice time. jared came over, for a little. but hey it was cool. and then we got in the hot tub. after that we...went upstairs and then fucking EJ called, and chelsea was trying to talk over the mother fucking kareoke party in the basement. then we got some food and by then it was like i dont know, midnight ish. we watched monsters inc and then talked and went to sleep.

hmm and then of saturday we went bowling with her grandparents, there so cute. grandparents are the best. me and chelsea lost miserably and the music thing didnt work. so we went home, colored on our shoes, played pool. oh yeah and Alex and Jimmy came over before bowling. we played darts and made abstract art. haha and chelsea gave alex 75 cents to take a bite of a hot mommas sausage fucking thing and he like died.

hmm fun.

alright later.
<3

dont flatter yourself, sweetheart.

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 02:02:08 GMT

hmm well i miss my livejournal.
to whoever left those comments, im sorry.
im sorry for however i offended you, and im sorry the way i am isnt good enough for you.
but hey, cant please everyone.

so i went to walmart today and got some cute carebear notebooks and valentines. im exited. but valentines should be interesting. another day of love to spend alone. oh well, i dont care anymore.
and, taste of chaos is in like 17 days or something, which should be fun.
i still kinda feel alone, but im feeling better lately.
but when something hits a nerve its not that fun.

and like, this whole victoria and brent thing.
hmm well i havent heard victorias story.
or brents, cause he hates me.
so i only know what people tell me.
and like, everyone knows and i just dont know.
but if its true, victoria.. i love you and all.. but u messed up cause that wasnt a good move... not saying ive never messed up cause i do.
but, i dont know.

me and chelsea went to see boogeyman yesterday and it was pretty tizzy. it wasnt that scarry it was just a jumpy one. haha. whenever a scarry part came, we threw handfulls of rasinettes and popcorn. chelsea was like, chewing on her popcorn bag.. geeze, someone was scared. i got up and got straws like 4 times and talked to the hotties that work there. haha. and im pretty sure that im gunna steal danielles badass scarf cause im broke and i cant get my own. but yeah the movie was pretty queer. i thought he was the boogeyman... aw well. and when it was a scarry part i would laugh uncontrollably. i love the movie theatre.

ive got a bad feeling about this. <3

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 23:38:12 GMT

hmm. i dont know if i should still have my LJ or not.

just look at him.

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 01:25:40 GMT

how amazing is that?

you should let me love you.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 22:47:59 GMT

so today was interesting. yeah i wnent to chelseas.. and we played pool at her dads house. and then jared came over. we went back to chelseas and we were walking inside and brent like tells us to come outside.. so we r like okay. we go out there and just kinda watch...it was interesting cause no one talked to us...

jared went missing ish. hah. we coudlnt find him. so we looked around for the ouija board and took a walk.

but hahaha it was so funny. i was geting in the car and driving out of the 'hood past brentys house and... i saw patrick walking out .i was like oh shit son! cause he has this major shiner on this right eye. i was like wow. i heard about that .

but now jared is telling me some shit like chelsea's missing and what not.

you said you like to hear the rain..sometimes.

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 19:36:34 GMT

im so damn bored.

its snowing..how nice..no.its queer.

i wish i had someone to hang out with.. but noooooooooooo.. i have to be all the way over here. not with my friends. with myself. yes. its a blast.

so i watched the goonies today. that has to be my favorite movie, i heart chunk. haha.

but i had a nice night with chelsea and jared last night i guess.but i dont know. im just the lone ranger with them...all over eachother. whoops!! i probably shoulnt have just said that out loud. oh well. its the truth tho.. in my perspective. why am i complaining? i suck.

how can i say i love you back ? you never made me happy.

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 21:28:16 GMT

im in a good mood today...but danielle wasnt at school.

and... i wanna go ice skaing. that should be fun-ish...

i have soo many like, mixed emotions. everything, if you ask me, is really messed up. i dont even know what to think. about anything. so hes still stuck in my head...as hard as i try. you know i dont wanna think about it. but theres a memory everywere. how pathetic am i ? very. get over it nicole..

i feel like i have everything right infront of my face, in flashing, bright neon lights. i just.. refuse to open my eyes.i cant do it . what am i so afraid of...?

*out on the road today i saw a black flag sticker on a caddilac... a little voice inside my head said 'dont look back' 'you can never look back.' i thought i knew what love was... what did i know? those days are gone forever..i shold just let them go but...*

my heart is on my sleeve...wear it like a bruise or black eye

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 03:37:34 GMT

yeah so i just watched napolean Dinamite.. it had to be the most mndless movie in the world, and i loved it.

today was really boring-ish. i woke up late, like 11 ish. went out places. i went to quiznos and the guy there had really pretty eyes.

yeah, that might have been the higlight of my day.

oh but then i got my nails done and went out to dinner. sooo i guess that was cool. Curtneys over, and shes funny. damn skinny tho.

and yeah. i was online and making CDs cause i downloaded like 15 songs between now and last night. sooo Chelsea called and i talked to her for like an hour.which was pretty cool cause shes in like south carolina and i like, miss her and stuff.and she wants me to make her a CD so thats a little thing i could do to pass some time...in a way.

Jared never called me..yeah how shocking...not really. and then when i was on the phone with Chelsea...shes like " hold on a sec Jareds calling me" and i was like okay...thanks....i guess.

the most interesting thing was that Patrick imed me last night. Patrick. i was like uhmm..... i really didnt know what to say.what was i supposed to do? he kinda ruined my life. actually just kidding. I ruined my life. but it was all cause of him, basically. in a way. and if your reading this and you dont know what the hell im talking about, you dont need to know. so we talked for like 10 minutes. i think everything is all cool in a way. like it used to be i guess.

i want you to know that....

i miss you.

i miss you so.....

<33333

she'll fuck you just for the taste...

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 20:56:54 GMT

so i think im gunna die.

i havent been that scared in the longest time.

...since the last time he was here.

who am i?

why do things happen the way they do?

am i meant to be like this?

am i going crazy...or blowing everything out of proportion?

whats wrong?...this shouldnt be happening to me.

someone please help me.........

and the worst part is....

ive been waiting and praying for a moment like that for the longest time.

i almost wanted that.

well not exactly that...but close.

i knew it would hurt...but not that bad.

someone help me please....

</3

shes not coming home...

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 18:19:11 GMT

so im kinda moody today.

i just wish i wasnt so alone..

i miss everything i used to have.

what once was is now lost.

and..its not too much fun i guess

i just want someone to call my own and not have everyone hate me so much

i dont know what i did to everyone ..but the ones that i miss i think..hate me with a passion. ugh it sucks .. and if ure reading this and its you ... you know who you are. what did i do ? what do people want from me? i hate this feeling of trying to be good enough for everyone.and sitting here complianing about it isnt helping. but no one understands. sure u know what its like to loose people u care about... pretty much everyone does. but i think ive lost alot and i dont like it. im not gunna use names.....but ive lost friends, or at least people i associated with who now dont like me for whatever reason. then theres ..other people i guess u could say. the ones i cared about the most. the ones that were like the other 1/2 of me. the ones that were like a best friend. my stomach is knotting up just thinking about it all. cause with the people that are now gone, i had the best times of my life..so far. i was 13 with them. i wish i could explain it better but i just dont feel like i can.

so im really hoping this year is better. really. really. really hoping...

im far from lonley and its all that ive got.

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 00:21:59 GMT

so im been feeling better, but i still cant breathe out of my nose
im really sortof dreading going to the doctor tonight...but its okay i guess
i just want it to be tomarrow, i love weekends.
hopefully i go to danielles or she comes here or whatever...i miss hangin out with her alot.
so im like sure tired and behind in school from being out 2 days, oh well.
yeah and this whole being single for the rest of forever really sucks.... just a little.
im having like alot of fun with this writing assignment in language arts.
thats like the best class... i always sit there and write poems or whatever and she doesnt care.
and like now.... we have to write this mystery story thing and it was fun. im taking a real thing that happend a long time ago.... something not many people know about.... and putting it into my story, its pretty crazy and i love it.
peace....social worker time

...and they found you on the bathroom floor...

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 18:08:20 GMT

yeah, christmas was okay but i dont feel like talking about that now
so todays new years eve, and its beautiful outside and its putting me in a better mood.
im gunna go to chelseas, be with my friends. i cant wiat.
the only bad thing, i was at the " doctors " on thursday and i dont like what she told me.

hey lush, have fun. its the weekend.

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 21:47:54 GMT

so i had a boring day
no chelsea. gawd. i wish i could have stayed home with her to say my goodbyes to EJ... really gunna miss the kid....(( tear))

oh well whatever
i dont feel well i have a killer headache, so im gunna go to sleep

tonight the headphones will deliver you all the words i cant say....

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 01:41:33 GMT

i feel like i had a pretty good weekend.
lets see.... friday night was ice skating. me, anthony, chelsea, chantal, and jared went to skate frederick. it was kinda bad cause jared and chelsea got into... well.... i guess you could call it a fight. they wouldnt talk to eachother and chelsa cried. and anthony got mad cause he felt left out or something. yeah. matt and chris and all them threw ice balls at us, it kinda hurt lol but it was all fun.

saturday, ugh. i went to the orthodonist.... dun dun dun.... gross. i was talking to my orthodonist about snoop d - o double G. she likes him too haha. it was tizzight. then i came home, it was like 1. i watched what not to wear with my motha and then went to sleep until 4:30. i forced myself to roll outta bed and go take a shower, get ready for chelseys cute little christmas party. it was ... well it was cute. lots of people i dont know or dont associate with besides anthony and chelsea. the gift exchange thing was FUN as anything. i got the movie elf from kait. im gunna go watch it soon, yeah. thats a kickass movie, so funny. i felt a little out of place. but oh well.

today..... woah. i woke up soo effing early. it was like 9 when i got outta bed. i was like holy shit. so i got on the computer. its like my life.... how sad? so yeah i downloaded some atreyu. i took a shower for like an hour then got ready and all. sat around, listened to music. boring. it went by all too slowly. but then at like 1:30 i went to my sisters bball game. it was alright. but i couldnt wait till 3, cause when i got home me and chelsea and jared went to chelseas grammals for a little misenheimer family reunion thing. it was fun. we played that white elephant game. LOL omg chelsea got this HUGE package thing with a pretty bow, it was the biggest box. so she opens it and inside theres this plastic toilet with pink and white flowers coming out of it LOL omg it was so cool. on the lid she wrote...
" to mrs tepper.... from chelsea haha merry christmas"
and when we got home, she gave it to my mom.
yeah, good day.
ive been feeling so weird this weekend though.
alot like i did that one weekend where my whole life changed
i dont know whats going on but its most deff a good thing
i feel so light...

but i <3 this song

i dont wanna close my eyes
i dont wanna fall asleep cause ill miss you baby
and i dont wanna miss a thing
cause even when i dream of you
the sweetest dream will never do id still miss you baby
and i dont wanna miss a thing....

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 03:09:08 GMT

ahh, yeah... im kinda tired. ive been thinking all day about memories...good times. the past. whats over now and can never be again.it really makes me feel... i dont know. weird. i miss those days. watching movies in the basement. listening to flogging molly in the dark. sneaking out. candle light kisses. listening to heartbeats. davidoff cool water. lovestruck smiles. whispers of untold secrets. laughing so hard id cry. acoustic guitar. holding hands. going to the disney store. kisses in the back of the toy store. the family guy . afroman. all of these moments just rushing through me, i cant help but smile. but then, i feel my stomach knot up and my heart stop beating. its so weird. the wierdest part is.... it doesnt really hurt. it makes me feel empty, but not hurt. id kill to have those days. i dont even know what id do with it.i wish i could go back and freeze time in the instant hed take me in his arms or flash me that devious smile... id never let it go. here comes that smile again. it actually is making me feel better. i think im ready to move on and just remember the past as faint, priceless memories that i need to let go of. well okay not let go of. but im gunna move on now. really, im seriously trying. its not gunna be fun. but im so unhappy right now. i dont want to be. and im realizing that im doing it to myslef. just like everything else in the world, its my fault. IM the cause to all of my problems....

santa can you hear me?

i have been so good this year

and all i want is one thing

tell me my true love is here

hes all i want

just for me

underneath my christmas tree

ill be waiting here

santa thats my only wish this year....

you say that i am rated X. you suffer from the lack of S.E.X....

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 22:33:01 GMT

yeah boy ! new LiveJournal. 1st entry, woot woot!